First up, how does the adolescent brain develop?
Did you know that the rational part of a teen’s brain isn’t fully developed until around the age of 25?
Adolescence is a time of significant growth and development inside the teenage brain. The main change is that unused connections in the thinking and processing part of your child’s brain (called the grey matter) are ‘pruned’ away. At the same time, other connections are strengthened. This is the brain’s way of becoming more efficient, based on the ‘use it or lose it’ principle.This pruning process begins in the back of the brain. The front part of the brain, the prefrontal cortex, is remodelled last.
This explains why good judgement isn’t something most teens can excel in, at least not yet. In fact, recent research has found that adult and teen brains work differently. Adults think with the prefrontal cortex (PFC), the brain’s rational part. This is the part of the brain that responds to situations with good judgment and an awareness of long-term consequences. Teens process information with the amygdala. This is the emotional part and is associated with emotions, impulses, aggression and instinctive behaviour.
In teen’s brains, the connections between the emotional part of the brain and the decision-making center are still developing—and not always at the same rate. That’s why teens may have overwhelming emotional responses to situations. They most likely weren’t thinking as much as they were feeling.
What can parents do to support their child at this challenging time?
Children and teens subconsciously copy what they see. You’re the most important role model your child has. How you guide and influence your child will be important in helping your child to build a healthy brain and will have a profound and long-lasting effect.
Here are some suggestions:
Talk through decisions step by step with your child. Ask about possible courses of action your child might choose, and talk through potential consequences. Encourage your child to weigh up positive consequences versus negative ones.
Discussing the consequences of their actions can help wire the brain to learn to think things through before they act. When you talk about how your child’s actions influence both the present and the future, you can help the healthy development of your child’s prefrontal cortex.
Offer frequent praise and positive rewards for desired behaviour. This reinforces pathways in your child’s brain.
Talk with your child about their developing brain. Understanding this important period of growth might help your child process their feelings.
Encourage empathy. Talk about feelings – yours, your child’s and other people’s. Highlight the fact that other people have different perspectives and circumstances. Reinforce that many people can be affected by one action.
For important information, you can check your child has understood by asking your child to tell you in their own words what they’ve just heard.
Remind your child that they’re resilient and competent. Because they’re so focused in the moment, adolescents have trouble seeing they can play a part in changing bad situations. It can help to remind them of challenging times in the past which turned out for the best.
Ask teens if they want you to respond when they come to you with problems, or if they just want you to listen.
I'm the first to admit that old me tended to jump in with advice to try to fix my children’s problems. But this can make teens less likely to be open with their parents in the future. You want to make it emotionally safe and easy for them to come to you, so you can be part of their lives.
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